The 12 Most Awesomely Ridiculous eBay Auctions
How does one describe the layered horror that is eBay? Look long enough and you’ll find an item that the mere knowledge of its existence brings shock and dismay. Then, you must cope with the fact that the seller thought we would be willing to pay good money for it, and then come to terms with the fact that usually they’re right.
Here are some that almost had us bidding out of sheer, morbid curiosity.
This horrible, horrible device just about looks like the most uncomfortable and awkward thing that has ever been invented. The auction claims that "This is a new, flat design that is even more comfortable and even less noticeable than
replica Michael Kors handbags the previous popular models, "but the huge plastic dongs staring back at us seem to differ in their opinions. Wearing one of these would be the equivalent of getting that half chub in english class, then having to go up to the board and diagram sentences, but even better because it is ALWAYS THERE.
The real climax of this auction comes when you see:
"Bonus! Free pair of Italian designed sunglasses! See picture for listing and colors. Specify choice of color when submitting payment!" We’re assuming you need these because you want everyone to think you look cool when they see you walking down the street with your plastic cock outline bulging out of your jeans.
11. The World’s Largest Lite Bright
Remember that crappy little toy with easy to swallow parts that you used to get bored of at your grandparent’s house? How would you like to spend 15 grand on a huge one of those that some creepy guy spent way too much time on?
We thought so, just fax the deed to your house over to us, and we’ll take
Michael Kors handbags outlet care of the rest. Possibly the most depressing part of this auction is not the level of detail that the "artist"
fake Michael kors handbags outlet had to go into, but rather the handmade, hand painted frame and exquisite velvet backing that really accent the piece. Thankfully, for the sake of this man’s sanity, he will be featured in
michael kors handbags outlet next year’s Ripley’s Believe It or Not!, thus assuring him a steady place in the pantheon alongside the Lizardman and that dude who got a railroad spike blown through his head.
10. Movie Character Bicycle Siren W/ Light Up Eyes
When we first came across this auction, we were shocked to see what we thought was a severed baby
Michael Kors handbags head in the preview window. head.
Of all the horrible merchandise spawned from the ’80s film (and there was a lot), this has to be the most terrifying. No doubt the seller is hoping that getting rid of the thing will banish it from their nightmares as well. We doubt it.
Steven Spielberg spent millions of dollars trying to make that crappy puppet look adorable, next to Drew Barrymore no less, and this toy company instead decided to freehand a carving of an achondroplastic dwarf with a lazy eye, then call it a day. Probably the scariest part of this toy is that when you turn it on, the decapitated skull’s eyes start glowing red, just in case you didn’t know that the object was pure evil.
This is just about the shittiest shot glass ever seen. If you were at some bar and told the bartender "Oh no, I’d like my tequila in THIS shot glass," we’re pretty sure you’d wake up the next morning in the hospital with one hell of a barstool lodged up your ass. The only viable use we can see for this shot glass is to use it to get drunk enough to forget what Nickelback is.
8. Chocolate Flavored Nipple Spread With Applicator
What goes better together than nipples and chocolate? Nipples and a knife! Yes this nipple spread comes with a KNIFE included for spreading chocolate over a nipple.
Now, we’re not ones to pry, but should you really be buying a product that has the warning "Never over sharpen blade, especially if used by those who are prone to: sneezing attacks, nervous ticks, slashing fantasies, or DEAD DRUNK!"
Oh, and if you decide to warm the blade in the microwave before you use it, they advise using the "scream test" to check if it’s the appropriate temperature. This is another one of those sad situations where the only people who need the warning psychopaths and cannibals are also the ones least likely to follow it.
7. Barack Obama Digital Political Pop Art
cheap Michael Kors on the internets?! What an amazing idea! How about political art? Even better! How about a crappy Photoshop manipulation of Barack Obama with some shitty clip art orbiting his head?
WHY CAN’T WE OWN THIS!?!?!!? Oh wait, that’s right, because this douche wants to charge you $1,500 for the five minutes he spent on his computer. The cost for his supplies and time must have been through the roof, because we can only imagine that the $950 starting bid he began this auction with made his profit margins razor thin.
Yes, we realize art is more than the sum of its materials. But, not in this case. Either the items are so symbolic as to be indecipherable (though we’re pretty sure we know what the Coke symbolizes) or else it’s simply a depiction of an Obama who has collapsed on the floor in mid snack, his skin turning blue from oxygen deprivation, his soft drink and banana having landed near his head. He was also just about to mail something.
To add insult to injury, as the man lay gasping on the floor, a snail has stolen his watch.
6. American Raccoon Penis Bone
Did you know that most animals other than man have an actual bone in the penis called baculum? Well eBay seller "baculumdude" sure does, and he is very willing to tell you about them. He also has his very own store on eBay called, oh you guessed it, Baculum world.
Scared yet? Well, if not, you may be interested in these penis bones (also known as mountainman toothpicks according to "dude"), as they can be used as a conversation piece or. well we guess there’s no other use for these, unless you consider the best anniversary present ever an actual use.
This is an auction for some girl’s old used breast implants. You see, Janine apparently wants to upgrade her boobs from what she has now to. convex, we guess. This is probably one of the grossest auctions on eBay, considering this object was (for more than several days) inside of the seller’s body. While Janine does mention that she has a calendar out for 2008, she refuses to show her face in the auction go figure. Well, at least whoever buys these can
fake Michael Kors rest easy knowing that there is little else they can do in their lives that will be creepier than this.
Now upon first inspection of the photo for this auction, it appeared to us that "robsue" was trying to start a bidding war for Jesus
cheap Michael Kors handbags outlet (with a Buy It Now price of $2). In reality, what rob or sue seems to be selling is a playing card with the Shroud of Turin on it. While we can imagine nothing more exhilarating than getting onto the playground and trying to trade our Jesus playing card for your best friend’s Mark McGuire rookie card, the seller only ups the ante once you read the description.Articles Connexes：